Divorce kids and dealing with different standard of living?How to adjust?
I am going through a nasty divorce after 6 yrs of marriage cheating happened on both sides age difference did not help he is 38 yrs old and i am only turning 26. I have two kids a 3 yr old son from an affair that i had and 5 yr old daughter thats getting a paternity test because of same affair .We lived very well my current home is worth 500,000 our furnishings are worth worth about 25-30 grand i can not afford to maintain this lifestyle.My hubby wants to have the house sold so he can move back in ex.wife who he was having an affair with and his 2 kids. I have not worked in 3 yrs so cant afford to keep home and i only have 8,000 in savings at present i have never had to manage money.My daughter is used to having whatever she wants and so is my son i am used to giving them nothing but top of the line?Neither child understands what going on at the moment?
In June I will have pack up my 2 kids into my volvo with our 3 dogs and cat to move to a cheaper area.Hubby will not make it easy for me to get any money.
In June I will have pack up my 2 kids into my volvo with our 3 dogs and cat to move to a cheaper area.Hubby will not make it easy for me to get any money.
y dont u go 4 theropy or ask a friend
Comment by Hunter P — February 3, 2010 @ 12:28 pm
Boy, reading that made my head spin.
You just need to be honest but not give too much info to your kids. For instance, tell them mommy and daddy are going to live in different homes but don’t bad mouth their father to them and vice versa. Point out that they will have two beds, two birthday parties, etc. Don’t push any negativity on them but be sure to acknowledge any sad feelings they have.
Kids won’t know top of the line unless they are taught. My kids are 4 and 6 and they think Target is awesome and couldn’t care less about Gymboree or labels. Don’t make a big deal out of it, just act like Target is the new Gymboree.
The biggest change is going to have to be in you. You are going to have to learn to budget and spend wisely. You have been used to a life of luxury and now you have to live within your means. Talk to a financial advisor or someone who can help you set yourself up. Be careful with your money. Do not try to maintain a lifestyle beyond your means or you will be living a very miserable and financially stressed life.
Be sure you get what is owed to you but then don’t depend on your ex for money. You will be a stronger and much better person if you can make it on your own without depending on anyone else. Your children will benefit from your good example.
Good luck!
Comment by wendysorangeblossoms — February 5, 2010 @ 12:23 pm
The children are young enough to not really be able to tell the difference between generic and designer. You should be concerned with basic needs right now. Most importantly, try not to complain about money too much – if they hear you, their radar will jump all over it. For the time being you will have to take it on the chin. Look into books by Suze Orman, she will have all the answers you need to be financially independent. Good luck!
Comment by Lyn — February 8, 2010 @ 4:59 am
I’m wondering where you live that homes are only $500,000.00, Here even the “low range” range homes start at $800,000.00 and go up. But that be as it may. You’re just going to have to suck up and deal with things as they are and of course your kids don’t understand, that is why YOU and your soon to be ex husband need to TALK with their children about what is going on. You don’t have to tell them the “nasty” truth but just say you two can’t live together any longer. I also suggest you start looking for a job and maybe take a course in money management, alimony isn’t handed out much any longer, only for a limited time, long enough for the “displaced spouse” to find a job to support her (or him)self.
Comment by Colleen O — February 9, 2010 @ 1:18 pm
So you lived well for a few years. Where I live that isn’t considered well off. Looks like you’re going to have to go back to work. Lots of stay at home moms return to work. It’s not the end of the world. You and your husband both cheated so look at this as a chance to improve yourself. Kids don’t need expensive clothes. They will grow out of them before they are worn out. Hit the clearance racks and you’ll save a ton of money. Even Macy’s has sales that gives you an additional percentage off on certain days. If you don’t know how to manage money, ask a family member to help you. It’s time you stepped off your fairy tale life and enter the world of reality. Your children will adjust fine at those ages, but you are the one who needs to make the changes to make sure they have a successful life.
Comment by 2Beagles — February 12, 2010 @ 2:22 pm